I can't believe it. I really can't.
Monday I decided to call Childcare Development Center to see where we stood on the waiting list (we've been on there since Feb.) and Elizabeth at CDC informed me that we were next and that they are opening a new infant room on Oct. 28th and that she will call me later this week to let me know something. When I got off of the phone with her, I wasn't excited at all even though this is THE daycare that we want to get into because I've read and heard that it's the best in Little Rock.
Today Elizabeth called me to welcome us to the family. I was on the verge of tears and secretly wanted to tell her No. I didn't want to start Graham until Dec. 1 since that is when I am going back to work. I just thought we would have more time together. Why do I feel so afraid that I am going to miss out on so much while he is at daycare? If I leave my camera with them, think they will take pictures of his every move? Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that we got in because like Elizabeth said, there are no guarantees that we would be able to get in there in December. Oh, I don't know how I am going to handle it. I am going to be a nutcase when I leave him. I've only left him once since his birth and that was only for two hours. I think I'm starting to break out into hives. I need Xanax.
At least I get to take care of a lot of things that I need to do before I go back to work like getting my teeth cleaned, cleaning the house TOP TO BOTTOM, working out, shopping for new clothes cause I don't think my butt, hips or thighs are ever going to get any smaller, going to the grocery store, getting my hair cut, etc...you get the point...and I'll probably actually go into work for a bit anyway since Graham's daycare is just a few blocks away.
I am very glad that we were accepted to CDC because it is so close to my work. I have a feeling that I am going to be there every day at my lunch break. I may even sneak a couple of 15 - 30 min breaks in just to see him. I'm going to be an overbearing mother, aren't I? Is Graham doomed?