Hypothyroidism

hmmmm. well, I am just sitting here staring at a blank screen and not really knowing where to start with this post. It's going to be a little somber and I'm sorry but that's just the mood that I am in. I'll be lucky to make it through this post without breaking down like a baby because quite honestly, I AM down. REALLY DOWN.

Let me just start from the beginning, I guess. For those of you that know me, you know that I have been pretty small my entire life, speaking weight and size wise. My weight, of course, has always fluctuated five pounds up, five pounds down, ten pounds up, ten pounds down. I've always been a dietier and I will go through periods of working out A LOT and then not really working out much at all. Being "thin" has never really come natural for me. I've had to work to be that way. So when I got pregnant, I really watched how much I gained. I never really OVER-ATE and I would stay as active as I could. granted, i wasn't at the gym working out like a mad woman but i would do the occasional walk and lift small weights, do some squats, etc. The only issue I had during my pregnancy as far as weight went was my sodium problem. I gained a lot of water and fluid weight because i cannot live without three things: salt, Tony Chachere's, and soy sauce (come on, give me a break-I'm half asian!). I ended up gaining almost 50 lbs during my pregnancy and actually lost quite a bit of it after I had Graham due to breastfeeding, eating right and working out. The pounds were coming off at a steady rate and I was quite pleased. Until recently, that is.

Within the last month and a half, I started feeling extremely tired and fatigued but very restless. I have also been really weak, forgetful, can't concentrate much less think, i have a lot of aches and pains, bloating and swelling in my face, hands, feet (really just EVERYWHERE). My belly had actually become quite flat and then pretty much overnight I was just BLOATED...and I seriously thought many times that I was pregnant. and even had Chad buy several pregnancy tests. also, i still hadn't started my period which was weird since it had been two months since I had stopped breastfeeding Graham. but the biggest thing (i know, this is going to sound extremely vain and I am sorry) is that I have gained so much weight back. it has seriously put me into a state of depression because I have been doing so good at eating well and exercising and was pleased with seeing results and then having it all come back. I just didn't know what to do or what was going on.

So, last Friday I had my 6 month post operation check up with my ob-gyn, Dr. H, and I told her everything that has been going on. She decided to do some blood work and see if it was my thyroid. She called me yesterday evening before I left work and sure enough, she said I had hypothyroidism. Apparantly, my thyroid is not producing enough hormones and it's causing my metabolism to work very slowly. I think that is how it works. i wish i could have remembered more of what she said but my mind was just racing and my head was spinning. i really didn't know how to feel or how to react.

In a way, I was very relieved to finally KNOW what was causing me to feel so bad and to have me gain this weight back. But then the other side of me is feeling down about it since I don't know very much. I have read on the internet that it's a disease that i will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I will have to be on medication forever as well. I'm just so confused about it all. I mean, i'm sitting here wondering if I should keep working out and eating right only to never lose the weight and even maybe gain MORE??? How is having hypothyroidism going to affect my life?

I'm trying so hard to look on the bright side and to be positive. I am very thankful that this is the worst thing that i have had to deal with so far. I'm very blessed and thankful to have such a healthy and beautiful little boy, a wonderful husband, awesome friends and family, a great job that I love, a warm home, and a car to drive. God really has blessed me with more than I could ever ask for.

I am going to see my general practitioner, Dr. M, tomorrow at 3pm. I am anxious and so ready to see her so i can get some answers and find out what kind of treatment we will have to do.

Has anyone ever had to deal with this or know of anyone that has?